Monday, October 07, 2002


Well, I am faced with a situation I could not be more torn over. My husband has mentioned in his blog that he has the itch to just roam free for awhile. Not to do anything more than to have some time to himself, maybe go on a mini-road trip with a friend of his overnight, something of the like. I can undertstand that feeling; sometimes I miss the days I was in High School, when my friends and I went and did whatever we wanted and hung out all the time. It's nice to not have cares, no bills hanging over your head, no responsibility.

But at the same time, those days are unfortunately gone. I like to think that I've grown up, and have realized that it's time to be more responsible and such. Granted, he is taking on a lot of the financial responsibility, but I do manage the home, and care for the pets, cook and clean, pay all the bills, tend to the horses, look for the house, try to find a job, etc. So I can understand his want for adventure, to be totally free again, even if it's only for a short time.

I have two sides arguing with me about this. My trusting, cool-chick side is telling me to relax, everyone feels this way, and it wouldn't kill me to let him go and play with his friends Kyle and Steve for a day or two. But my insecure, jealous side worries that having a taste of that freedom will fuel the fire, and before I know it, he's decided being married isn't any fun, and seeya later (thank you Mr Jackass ex for giving me an insecure, jealous side, btw).

So I really don't know what compromise to give. Whether I should say, yeah, sure go play, or if I should tell him I want to go too, or just not say anything at all. I hope he's not thinking his wife's a boring ball and chain, I don't think he does, but hell, sometimes I worry. And having an anxiety disorder doesn't exactly help the situation.