Saturday, August 24, 2002

So maybe husbands aren't as great as I originally gave them credit for.

The scenario is this: My husband has a very good friend who I like, he's pretty nice even though he's a bit bitter toward women. He treats me fairly kindly, and we even banter back and forth in a friendly manner. My husband and he are woirking on some wireless internet access point thing, which they are very excited about collaborating on.

Last night, my husband informed me that he, his friend, and a few other guys were going out to passively scan access points (which is perfectly legal). they left around 9pm, got back a little after midnight. Then a few of the guys stuck around 'til about 2 or 3am. We finally got to bed, and I asked my husband to spend the following evening (tonight) with me. I hadn't spent a lot of time with him during the week, as family was visiting from out of state, and I was feeling a little detatched from him (my anxiety was not helping the matter). He agreed and assured me I would have him for the evening.

We woke today (I got up later than he, I have a hard time falling asleep, so I tend to sleep longer). We got out the door around 2pm to go take some photos of my stallion (, and get something to eat. We ate, and got to the barn about 2:30pm or so. After 15 or 20 minutes at the barn, my husband started to get antcy about leaving. He rarely goes to the barn unless I need assistance, and when he does go, he doesn't like to be there long. We were there until 3:15 or 3:30, and ran a few errands on the way home. Along the way, he informed me his friend would probably be stopping by tonight, but it would be late in the evening and probably only for 30 minutes. He was just going to return something computer related. I was a little put off, but I figured it would be a short trip, no biggie, and we'd have plenty of time aside to catch a movie or go do something.

When we arrive home, he quickly takes a shower, while I flip on the tv and watch breaking news about the Ashley Pond/Miranda Gaddis kidnappings (they found a body they believe may belong to one of the girls today). I was shocked and immediately dissolved into tears. The girls were kidnapped about 40 minutes from my house, and the body they discovered tofday was found near where the girls had been taken. I had been following the story fairly closely, nobody ever wanted it to turn out like this.

So needless to say I was a little emotionally wrought. My husband hugged me and comforted me. we were very upset by the whole event. However, he was a bit distracted by a problem (self-inflicted as I understand it) he was having with his computer, and had spent most of the time since arriving home from the barn attempting to fix the problem.

We got dinner around 7pm, and shortly after he tells me his friend will be over soon. I asked him "what about our evening together, you told me we would spend the evening together?". His response? "Well, I saw you all day."

Now, I know *any* woman that is reading this at the moment is thinking "very very BAD move". I held out a little hope that maybe they'd spend the evening at home, and would somehow include me in what they were doing, instead of talking computers and fiddling with electronics, otherwise ignoring me.

Shortly after his friend's arrival at 9pm, I realized I was going to have no such luck. The plan was to go out and do more wireless things. Without me. And that I shouldn't expect them back before midnight. Dumped by my own husband on a Saturday night (when we had plans), after having little to do with him all week. My feelings were crushed. Of course, my husband saw nothing wrong with the plan. Why, he had spent all day with me! What he failed to realize was that he'd actually only spent about 3 hours with me. He'd spent 6 or so with his computer.

So here I sit. None of my friends are available to do anything, they either have to work tomorrow, or they already are off doing something. I have nothing to do other than to watch tv and write in this blog.

Sometimes I think if I disappeared, my husband wouldn't notice until he wanted to get laid. Or be cooked for. I have taken to calling this friend his "boyfriend", because he spends a ton of time with the guy messing around with computer stuff. He's over 4-6 nights a week. And I personally don't have a problem with his friend, I have a problem with how my husband will drop me at a moment's notice to be with that friend, or will totally ignore me when his friend is around.

Before my husband went dashing out the door to go do god knows what with his boyfriend, I expressed my feelings to him. I barely held back tears. He got angry with me, and when he left he stormed out, pretty much pissed. This made me feel even *worse*, like I was in the wrong for bringing up the fact he had made plans with me and my feelings were hurt because he broke them, and that I should feel guilty for interrupting this little project they are working on.

So basically, I feel like shit. I dunno when my husband will be home, or even if I should be sitting here and waiting like some pathetic lap dog when he does. But I have nowhere to go, so I suppose I will just sit and stay.