Wednesday, August 07, 2002

Why is the human body so stupid sometimes?

I am dealing with anxiety. It's one of the worst things I have ever dealt with. I don't understand why I am have it. i've always been pretty good about dealing with things coming my way. I've handled deaths, moving out on my own, school, money problems, and other things with ease before. Granted, I have much more stress in my life than I have had in a very long time. My grandfather is struggling with cancer (all of my grandparents are still living), my husband and I are attempting to buy a house, I am trying to keep my mare pregnant, looking for employment, trying to make a little money selling things on ebay, etc.

Also, I am going in for a major physical change in my body in a month (off the hormone-raging pill and onto mirena). I am a little worried about getting Mirena, it's an IUD and can give you uterine infections and/or scarring that can prevent you from bearing children. My husband and I want two children, and even though there is a risk (albiet small) that I could lose the ability to have kids, I cannot stay on the pill much longer. I firmly believe that it has attributed to my anxiety, and I know it is the culprit for my weight gain over the past several years. The benefits of an IUD outweigh the relatively small amount of risk.

My husband also has been very busy lately. He is attempting to start a business, which was a little my doing but mostly his, and he is trying to make headway with Alpine. Not only that, but he also works a full 40 hours a week (occassionally more than 40). I fully support him in all his endeavors, and I know he what he does he does for the benefit of us both, and I love him dearly for that. He is the best man I have ever known (next to my dad, maybe), he is generous with his affection and his ambition, and I am very lucky that he loves me.

And here it comes...BUT...I would like to spend a little more time together with him. When we first got married, we made an agreement that every-other weekend, we would go out and do something. Hike, see the Gorge or the mountain, go to the beach, rent horses and go trail ride, go to Bend, something. It would be the chance for us to have fun doing something together, and get a break from the everyday stresses we have in our lives. So far this summer, we've been to Las Vegas and to visit his family in South carolina...but that's pretty much it for the every-other-weekend agreement. I am not being ungrateful to him for all that he does for us. I am not even saying this is his fault; the fault lies with the both of us. Maybe I'll mention it to him when he comes home.

At any rate, he really is a wonderful man, and I am very lucky to have him!

And, if anyone would like to make a contribution to my house-down-payment, feel free to contact me *anytime*!!